Love is so beautiful when it happens. Who would not like to have it forever? It makes our longing for permanence so clear. We try to create security in our job, by amassing money, building a strong network, creating offspring or art- something or someone that outlasts us. Or by doing lots of good deeds to secure us favors in the afterworld. And to some extent, we get away with it. Money doesn’t talk, children seem ours, artwork and good deeds get appreciated.
Love, in all its sweetness, is a clear mirror. The moment we try to encage it, it loses its freshness. Love’s soil is freedom, its lifeblood is openness: to the other, to the changes life brings, and to trust in the higher meaning of what is happening to us. We can nourish love, we can say yes to it, even invite it. We can work on our barriers to love and dissolve these. We cannot force love to stay. There is a point where all good intentions, couple counseling, self-help books and our own ideals about fidelity don’t catch. It doesn’t arrive for everyone; when it arrives, the only thing to do is to look the fact squarely in the eye. Face all the feelings it brings, see if you can share them, and say goodbye.
Society offers us structures that presuppose we can make love permanent: marriage, the nuclear family, tax breaks for extra children. And what if love decides it wishes to move on? In my practice I see the suffering this causes: is it better to stay together for the children, also when the best we can offer them is an arrangement that somehow works; and where the relating has turned into a mutual minefield: just don’t step on those areas?
Human Design brings more understanding of how we relate with each other, where the sensitive spots are and where we find common resources. So, if love is there, it has a new chance to grow. Or it becomes clear that one needs to move on. The decision remains with you. Here lies our individual responsibility. When society, which is all of us together, will understand that our consciousness has grown and requires other ways of living together and raising our children, is an open question. The family as a model has been around for thousands of years and is deeply embedded in our personal and collective (un)consciousness. Our current society is built on it. Yet, the time for a change has come.
This is just one of the areas where I see an urgent need for change.
It seems that as a global culture we have come to a point where the old ways will no longer work. I do what I can, both in my personal life and in my work, to create space for the new. The key for it lies with the individual – us.
And the change happens in this moment, not as a future goal. With our heartfelt longings to guide us.
May we sail on favorable winds!